Kou: Ba

Kou: Ba


Shrey-mom is singing as she pushes the baby in the hammock. She looks up when Ba walks inside. She is so young and yet I know she worries about Ba. She knows he is weak and sick because we have so little food.

‘Oh, grandpa!” She is excited to see him, she has good news. “You know, last night I dream about food. All night plates and plates of food. I wake up not hungry. Maybe we have a lot of food later.”

Ba stops beside her and gently pats her on the head.

“Oh Shrey-mom. You are only a little girl. Already you know that dreaming about food is about eating a lot of food. Such a wise girl.”

We all look at each other as she resumes rocking the baby. We understand so well the power of dreams, how you can wake up feeling as if you are full, even though you are starving. Until now, we did not know how close my daughter is to death.

Dream food not last long though. just mind tricks. Body big empty cavern.

Now I can feel energy from water. Under rain I feel a lot of energy. Water keep me alive.

Everyone starving. Most of all we worry about Mae and Ba. They both so weak.

One day I hatch plan. Number 2 sister has chicken for eggs. No way she part with that chicken. Like pet to her. So late in night when everyone sleeping. younger sister and I tiptoe outside to find chicken. We know exactly where that chicken is, underneath the house. I grab it and wring its neck.

Early next morning, I boil chicken and give to my parents and daughter to eat. It lasts for a couple days. Sister Number 2 never figure out what happen to her chicken.


Shrey-mom always cover her face when she sleep. When she born she always cover her eyes. One day when I am getting ready to go to work she beg me stay home.

“You know what happen when you leave, Mae? Uncle come into our room, he look everywhere for food. They think I sleep, but I see them.

I tell them what she say. She tell truth.

“We thought you sleeping,” her Uncle say.

***

Ba’s body swelling. Every day I come home from work and he worse. Mae too weak to take care of him.

We so frightened. Only hope to save Ba is to send him to hospital where they have thick rice soup.

“If I go, I don’t think I don’t think I will see any of you again.”

We know this true; other people go, no one ever come home

I have no choice. I have to convince him. I have to worry about Mae, too.

“We bring you back later,” I say. “I promise. Is only way.”
The trip to hospital takes half day. I walk there and report to person in charge that Ba very sick. Cart come take him away.

Mae go see him after one week. Second time she go she cannot find him there.

They don’t come to tell you when someone die. They just bury them.

We know Ba gone.

Wonder why we get up with sun. why we bother? Why we not just give up, lie down and wait to die?
Mae lie down beside me. She so small now her bones rub against mine. Her skin dry like lizard. She stroke my hand. Hear her breathe, still soft, so comforting when she so close.

“You must stay strong, Donc,” she say. “Babies to take care of.”

Son is crying on my chest. Beside me Shrey-mom asleep, her head hidden underneath small blanket.

Why I have these babies? If I not have babies I free to die.

Mae know what I thinking. My sisters and I still her babies. That why she still here. She reach across me and take my son onto her breast. Rock and sing to him. He fall asleep and still she sing. I rest my head on her shoulder. Can still smell flowers in her hair.