Kou: 1973

Chapter 4

It is 1973. I am 7 months pregnant. One week my husband comes home, one week he doesn’t. He says he has overtime and there is no way he can make contact because we don’t have a telephone. Each night I wait for him to come home for dinner. I sit by myself and wait and he never comes
I move in with T and his parents; I live upustairs and he live downstairs, he still in medical school. they take care of me, parents and sister.
My stomache starts to hurt before midnight. I am by myself, I don’t want to wake anyone. I remember mom saying if you are going to have your baby be sure to clean yourself so I take a shower.
When the pain gets too bad I go downstaris and wake him. He takes me to the hospital and waits beside me until I go into the labor room. My daughter is born early in the morning.
The nurse comes outside and tells him “You have a daughter” .. “no,” he says. “It is not my daughter. She is just a friend.”

He stays with me until afternoon. My husband does not come. Mom brings me dinner and the next days his mom and sister come to check on memom and sister. After two days, my husband comes.
“Where were you? I have your baby for two days. Why didn’t you come,” I scream. He has a gun in his pocket and he makes a move as if he is going to draw it out and shoot me. He leaves.
I stay in the hospital for seven days. My husband comes to check me out and takes me to my mom’s house. She takes care of me for one month.
Three of my sisters are still living with mom when we move in. My husband comes and goes. Mom doesn’t like him.
“Why don’t you just not come anymore,” I finally say. “I don’t need you anymore. When I needed you you just weren’t there. Then finally he just leaves and doesn’t come back. I am just something he won in a contest. Why should he care? This is just part of our culture. It is how things are.
It is 1974 and my sisters and I set up a small booth on the street in front of mom’s house. We sell cigarettes, wine, herbs. My older sister sells her restuarnt and moves to Thailand. Sisters 5 and 6 come home and siter 5 gets married. My brother escapes to thailand because they are drafting all the young men to fight to Khmer Rouge.Almost everyone is a soldier, unless they escape. The old Chinese temple near my house becomes an army base. Most of our customers again are soldiers.. I make a business with all the army people come. Make a little money.
I meet Kuan that year. My daughter is almost a year old and he starts comes to the booth all the time to talk with me and he play with my daughter. My parents like him. We have a small party at our house, which means we are married. No roasted pig, no certificate for a second marriage. I am 22 and I am happy. My sisters move out the next year and now it is only me and my small family living in mom’s house. I am crazy in love.
War spiraling outside our little world. Every night we hear guns. Dum rap rap rap. Kuan count how many second between shooting and explisons like counting between thunder and lightening. We run to bed when we hear the sounds, cuddling together under our light blanket.
Everyday we go to temple. Pray bombs not hit any houses. We lucky. Bombs only in lake. Kuan a soldier. He inside tank. He not know how long he can stay here. Many Lon Nal soldiers deserting. We are together for nine short months when he decides to go see his father in Phnom Phen. He leaves in April 1975.