Kou: Finish

Chapter 4B: Freedom.


Oh, how I want to eat clams. There is a small shallow pond greren with algae and I walk in and see clams. I start to pick them out of the water.
“what are you doing in there? Get out, get out,” someone calls.
I ignore the warming and continue to gather clams.

What happened? Why?



My sister and I are sent to a place far away from our home. The KR are not too strict anymore. After worok, you can go find whatever you want to eat. Usually, the men go to find food for the women but we have no man in our family. My sister goes with a neighbor. It is so hot, you have to rest two hours after you eat.

The men tell us to go to the creek. The mud comes up above your knees and dyou stand there until you see a bubble. That means there is a fish underneath. But I am so weak, it is hard for me to walk that far and then when I arrive I get stuck in the mud. I see a big fish, as big as your calf.
“That fish, that fish. My fish,” I call out. I see a man I know from a long time ago, from the train ride to Battambang. He is a mean man. One time he killed his own dog and made a curry. “Can you get it for me? Can you help me?”

He looks over in my direction and sees the fish. He wades over through the mud and grabs it. He walks away. I walk home empty handed, alongside all these men with buckets full of fish. I am so sad. You think a god or angel take care of me because as I am walking around the big cow footprints I suddenly see a fish as big as half an arm swimming in the black water of a cow hole.
I saw a fish big as half arm, swim a little in cow hole. My fish! I catch it and carry it home.

Winter walk to lake to clean,
I have to slide down to get bath and I have to climb up …

I cannot climb too high. Sit down by bamboo gtree and I saw a different, shiney black and fat he is across from me. I got a bamboo stick, oh today

I hity himn with stick on head. One twice nothing he run away.

What they hell you want to eat that thnng? Sister.


In hospital dream

Bamboo bed you can look down. Kr clinic they have a lot of duck. Oh fat duck, ia m going to roast you some day.

You cannot touch you get killed.
So hot in summer…. Every day I am getting better and better .

The shrimp and we not too hungry anymore. People saying amazing happen. The shrimp in little water. At night shrimp light up and the head of the fish light up too.

The country maybe goihg to be better. For 4 year no birds.

A scarecrow just fly over. I think going to be better.

Things likght up at night.

My group say okay we have to go to the mountain only old people don’t go and just have baby.

Where are we going? 10-15 people walked 2-3 days to get there. We sleep under cow wagon. Nobody youch anybody.

Me and my sister always together. They tell us to go into jungle woods. You have to build tent. We buld all together tent. We sleep on bamboo. Very like party. Don’t have private kitchen. Bowl soup full bowl 2x a day they give uyou lunch and dinner.d

I say okay who ever take care of this mountain, my friend, when yhou get into mtn,, yuou get lost so easy. Go to clean, cut. I think they want to kill you.
I walk by myself, if you want me to be alive you make sure yuou don’t make me hungry. You make me die. You better stop make me hungry. Make me very sick so I can go to clinic again. 2 days im complaining. 3rd day eat at night, I cannot get up and I just lay dowsn there. I hear cannot get up, cannot hear.

2 days my sister feed me a little bit. They take me carry me hammock nylong to cinic, in mountain. Penon Takpoo .

thousands of thousands of peole move everyone to mountains. Clinic, hd to poop. Carried me to toilet. She have to hold me to pee to poop. No bone.

I sleep, whatever

I hear they make somethingh for me to eat. Long vegetable.

They put worm in vegetable, and burn until soft, ddrink it.

Dropper for 7 days, took me back to

Have meeting and people get married, big meeting and then they say today we have 10 couples (singel teenagert at least 10-20 couples) they build them a small house and they give them brand new KR and black panst and black shirts.

On the way frojm mountain I am in a cow wagon with 2 other nurses one man and one woman, man controled wagaon and woman sat with me. I am sleeping. I remember they cross all snall little creek. I got so wet for lunch time they stop at this house. They park under the tree. After they eat they come to ask me, you hungry, I open eyes, I shake my head and open my eyes yes.

White rice, I was shaking and soup with sour fish … that thing saved my life. They so mad. They think I am fakikngn. I feel I have more energy. I lay back. When you are in a coma you hear, my spirit go so deep and deep in jungle, when I hear someone call my name, I come back. Keep going. See all the trees, just go and go… shaking me or nurse want to …. Come back but I cannot talk.



After eat take whole day to come to my house. But me in KR clinic. Thjey still hage a couple nurse in there. Stay thre every day I can come go round find some veg cook own food. The whole town is empty so
Get better and better.

We hear buns I go to my housel. Neighbor say some peole heave sound of gun. Where th gun come from

Maybe things going to be better.

My neighbor who had babies they made chicken soup, you know how to make a chicken soup,. I cook outside. When soup is done one the guys put marijuana in soup. I eat the most b ecause I am always hungry. Afater I eat I sleep the whole day and then by that time the vietnames come comde to Bakenbaum. Neighbor say hey you get up.
The kr startt to escape. They open up the stockade of food. Wow, I cannot get up.

You don’t get up, vn come maybe they going to kill you.

Go to place stock all food.

I sew backpack. 5 can of rice

It is almost night time; we better run. Run where? We better stick together because when the vn come, they buried a man and

Buried man 3 h3ad and build fire, make tea, when cambodian man get too hot. Don’t move you are gfoing to spill my water.

Thai -ong

1979 vn

comed and
polpot? Pol pot? They pass us through. “dee dee’ (go,go)
we run and hear the guns.

Mountain peole relese us.

We ran the whole night. After second night I saw my sister. KR escape

Oh lets run back to the mountain. But the moutain ran bnac to us so we meet each other.

By that tikme we have a loty of food. We are free

We go home. We found an empty house. After that a lot of peple don’t come home. Two sisters.

By that time we can have a lot of rice and we went to find rice so I got big bag of rice. Very first time we cook own food first time free to do whatever you want You are with 2 and 6; , not seen £1, 3 or number 5

Ta come home too. No more involve with him because ta and ye together

I go to take a bath in a lake because I have to go. Tgry to avoid him.

One time I saw 3 or 4 dry fish; he just drop off and gone. I saw dry fish, I told 2 sister, I don’t want to eat these fish because ta put spirfits in them. He make me fall in love.

Oh why don’t yhou cross it 3x?
A no I am going to throw these awsay. I don’t want to get crazy.

Ok, you don’t want to eat. Let me eat.”

Younger sister, now a lot of man go to the lake aboutg a couple day to go there a lot of fish and you stay here you wait for me im going to go get a couple men and go with them and get some fish.

She left for a couple of days. I go to my neighbor and give them a coin and massage, and after I do it they gave me food.

Tjhis one famliy she like sister to me. She married she has husband, who is very good with finding food she have d2 sons. After we got free she got a lot of rice and gold necklaces. While my sister to to get fish, her husband come back home to visitg all gthe friend here,


Husband says she is in bb and wants to see. Neighbor says oh we want to go because her father is over there too. Lets go tomorrow.




1 thailand
3 man excaped to thailand
5 somewhere ???

2 and 6 in combodia. Home home.